A tragi-comic interlude:

A tragi-comic interlude:


The patient. The patient is clearly suffering from paranoid ideation, delusions of grandeur, manic episodes, arrested development, attachment disorders, and not to mention a panoply of barely suppressed infantile fixations. And that’s just the good part!

Admission Permission. ‘Care’ in the community, or would you like an admission? You see, we’re so important, we’re so prissy, we’re so proper, to be *ahem* ‘allowed’ (don’t you dare say ‘kidnapped’!) into our highly-sought-after modern-day-workhouse, you have to get our permission!

Lock him up. Lock him up! Lock him up! Throw him in a cell and throw away the key! We can’t have this man on the loose! What will the children (who we’re drugging half-senseless) think? He must be seen to get his just desserts (although we’re not allowed to actually describe it like this, anyway its more sinister and subtly, psychologically effective if we pass it off as ‘caring concern’.. you see, even little kids in the backs of their little minds break like a twig and pale in horror at that which they know is a much more humiliating, devilish and all-encompassing servitude) ! If you’re locked up as a punishment, that’s one thing, but if you’re going to be locked up for ‘your own good’ too, with no evidence, due process or jury, then, we all know no one is safe. Especially since we’re all sinners against ourselves, nowadays.

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.” C.S.Lewis

So modern. Oh we’re so modern! We’re so enlightened! Just lie back and we’ll get those electrodes tightened!

Alright, we’ve trashed his cerebral cortex. You can release him now.

Just make sure to give him a life-time prescription of Clozapine. That’ll keep him in ‘recovery’; he’ll be so recovered he’ll be drooling into his pillow every night like our faithful dog for the rest of his pathetic little life!

Friendly psychiatry. Oh we’re busy fighting the stigma, don’t you worry. Its not easy to keep on making hundreds of billions of $ when one step in our office means permanent social death. We want to welcome the world with open arms…! Those old big iron-gated State-asylums are long-gone…though, still no photography in our ‘hospitals’ of course.. we care so much about your privacy that we check on you every 20 minutes all through the night and knock on your shower door if you take more than 5 minutes,,, minions! — *ahem * I mean nurses – spruce up that bedside manner, we’ve got souls to zombify!

‘Sectioned’ by Philip Porter.

New board game idea for Waddingtons: SECTIONED. The aim of the game is to die as quickly as possible. As you go around the board you collect nonsense diseases and psychiatric drugs. Discharge squares make you go around the board without consequence and you lose a psychiatric drug until you land on a sectioned square. Once you collect 5 drugs and 5 diseases you are sent to the ECT square where upon throwing a 3 you are electrocuted and killed. Coming soon: Virtual Reality Sectioned features all the horror of being on a ward from the comfort of your living room. Ages 8 upwards.”

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